


To Describe Love

by ldyvanillacourt



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cooking, Couch Cuddles, Crushes, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Foreplay, Friends to Lovers, Han Jumin Has Feelings, Happy Birthday Kim Yoosung, Hugs, Implied Relationships, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Neck Kissing, No One in the RFA (Mystic Messenger) is Straight, Non-Graphic Smut, Slow Dancing, and yoosung wants him to express them, jumin and zen are friends :), takes place after zen's route
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-11-24 00:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ldyvanillacourt/pseuds/ldyvanillacourt
Summary: What Jumin has been feeling is unexplainable, feelings he’d rarely experienced, blooming because of a head of blond hair and a smile of sunshine.Turns out, there are a few words that can explain it after all.In which Jumin and Yoosung fall in love and experience it in various different ways.





	1. Kilig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kilig - Filipino
> 
> Love on a night of dinner, dancing, and the best wine money can buy.

The sky was a canvas, painted pinks and oranges and yellows over the city skyline, the sun making its way to a nightly disappearance. Jumin took a sip of his wine and sat in thought, contemplating the sunset on the other side of the window.

From behind him he heard the soft, far-away tapping of Elizabeth jumping off of something and walking to an unknown room, though it seemed to be uncomfortably quiet. It was dark, or at least getting darker, the room lowly lit, and he felt an upcoming yawn, reaching up to rub his temples out of recent perpetual exhaustion. He didn’t know why; maybe if he had some company, but then again, he was used to lack thereof.

Despite that, he eyed the cell phone on his lap and continued to wait for said company.

He’d been promised a friend in the chatroom for five minutes ago, but half of him didn’t really mind waiting. He knew he’d get an apology from his friend, but half of him didn’t really need it.

Six minutes. He took another sip of his wine.

He felt a sense of guilt that his friend had insisted on going out of his way just for him. He thought about the way his friend’s face fell and his eyes deepened, smile fading into a frown, when he told him. He remembered, when his friend had said he hated the way he was “used to it”, and the way he promised he’d be in the chatroom to keep him company.

Seven minutes. He placed the wine glass down on the table next to him.

He was the only one in the RFA chatroom, typing a greeting to the emptiness. Jumin remembered the determination in his eyes when he promised to log on when the other did, and the sympathy in his eyes when he said he wanted to be a closer friend to him, understand him and connect with him. Help him.

He remembered the way his stomach flipped—a somersault, he dubbed it—at the answer when he asked why he wanted to be closer to him, the answer that echoed in his mind.

_I don’t want you to be alone anymore._

**Yoosung★ has entered the chatroom.**

When he read Yoosung’s hello his heartbeat quickened, his stomach did another somersault and he gave a small, warm grin.

/

“I can’t shake the feeling that you and Yoosung are in a relationship.”

It was said completely at random and he barely processed it.

The pen in Jumin’s hand stopped moving and he stared at the words he had written, taking in what Jaehee had said, unable to speak. When he glanced up at her, they locked eyes, as Jaehee placed a short stack of papers on his desk. He noticed her eyes slightly widen as he managed an uneasy, “What?”

Jaehee blinked. She stared at the floor and kept her arms firmly at her sides.

“I apologize,” she said. “I should not have said that. I’m sure it’s personal and you didn’t want me to…”

And the word bounced around in Jumin’s head.

Relationship. Relationship. Relationship.

He considered his relationship with Yoosung to be a close one; he had told Yoosung things he rarely told anyone else, and he sighed at the thought of Yoosung’s knowledge of him, content with it. Yoosung’s presence and aura, like sunshine, and the things he said to him: Jumin felt warm just thinking about it. He valued their relationship; Yoosung was kind of like V, but different. Different people, different feeling in his stomach when he thought about them.

But the way Jaehee said it… he knew what she meant. And that thought stuck to his mind, images playing in his head like a movie, and he—

“... dating him,” Jaehee finished. Jumin had missed sentences, he was sure of it.

“... What?”

“Hm? Were you listening to me?”

“No. Why do you think we’re in a relationship?”

Jaehee narrowed her eyes before changing to a neutral expression. “As I said,” she started, voice calm and collected, speaking slowly, “you and Yoosung seem to be getting closer, and you’re noticeably joyful with him. I… have also noticed the way you talk to Yoosung is different than they way you talk to others, and you have been starting to spend time with him, so…” she cupped her hands together, playing with them, and kept her eyes locked on the floor, “... part of me must have guessed you’re dating him.”

“I am not,” he said. Jaehee looked up at him. “You are merely mistaken.”

“Yes, I understand.”

He took into account his strong urge to take a painkiller, or go lay down somewhere, at the feeling of his headache. His heart was racing at the image in his mind: dating Yoosung, defying the expected. He needed a glass of water: it was like he just ran a mile, his breathing heavy.

“... Mr. Han? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” It felt... real, and at the same time he thought he was dreaming. He’d felt it before, when Yoosung was in the chatroom. It was repetitive. It had been happening more and more, and he’d noticed it. He took note of the feeling and when it happened: on the phone with Yoosung, spending time with Yoosung—

Oh.

Maybe it was just a sign of close friendship or admiration. When he locked eyes with Jaehee again, he considered a possibility, a frightening possibility, and pushed it back into the depths of his mind, where it stayed.

“I’m fine,” he repeated, mostly to himself. “Really.”

“Are you sure?” Jaehee asked, eyes deep with concern and it reminded him of Yoosung, but it was different and his head stayed locked on his shoulders, and to his mind in the clouds, he wondered why.

“... Mr. Han?”

“I’m sure, Assistant Kang.”

She stared.

She stared for the longest three seconds of his life.

Jumin felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead.

“Alright,” she said. “If you’re sure. I’ll get back to work.”

She turned before he could respond, opening the door to his office and stepping outside. She looked back when she closed the door and shot another glance at him, before shutting it with a soft click and leaving Jumin to sit in silence.

It was close to painful, the silence. Strangely he almost wished someone would knock on the door, and remembered Yoosung’s words and his hatred of “used to it”, the feeling of his hands cupping his face.

Fuck.

From what he told Jaehee, Jumin was partly a liar.

Partly.

/

 **707:** hey hey

 **Yoosung★:** Hey Seven!

 **707:** hi hi

 **707:** I pulled

 **707:** another

 **707:** all

 **707:** nighter

 **707:** last night T_T

 **Yoosung★:** T_T are you okay?

 **707:** No lol

 **707:** But that’s just a part of being a hacking slave like moi,

 **707:** losing sleep.

 **Yoosung★:** I don’t get a lot of sleep either

 **Yoosung★:** because I stay up late playing LOLOL

 **Yoosung★:** and get up early for class...

 **707:** U don’t go to class lololol

 **Yoosung★:** I did yesterday.

 **Yoosung★:** So much work...

 **Yoosung★:** Oh!

 **Yoosung★:** Jumin says hi :)

 **707:** Aw ur with ur boyfriend lol

 **Yoosung★:** ?!

 **707:** Tell Elly I said

 **707:** meow~ meow meow~

 **Yoosung★:** Jumin’s not my boyfriend!

 **707:** Yes he is meow~

 **Yoosung★:** No he’s not!

 **707:** lolololol

 **707:** lol

 **707:** omg

 **707:** If u two are dating

 **707:** then does that mean

 **707:** the Jumin is gay rumor

 **707:** is true?!

 **Yoosung★:** We’re not dating!

 **Yoosung★:** And I don’t think he’s gay.

 **707:** He’s “I’m not gay but my boyfriend is” lol

 **Yoosung★:** Seven!!!

 **Yoosung★:** Listen to me!!!

 **707:** lalalalalala

 **Yoosung★:** He’s not

 **Yoosung★:** my boyfriend.

 **707:** All I heard was

 **707:** mph mph

 **707:** something something

 **707:** lol

 **Yoosung★:** T_T

 **Yoosung★:** Why do you even think we’re dating?

 **707:** Because u two won’t shut up about each other lolol

 **707:** Ur like

 **707:** Jumin this~ Jumin that~

 **707:** and he’s like

 **707:** Yoosung this~ Yoosung that~

 **707:** You like to talk about him, right?

 **Yoosung★:** ...

 **Yoosung★:** I want to be

 **Yoosung★:** closer to him

 **Yoosung★:** and better understand him...

 **Yoosung★:** I think everyone should be nicer to him,

 **Yoosung★:** but everyone thinks he’s an alien

 **Yoosung★:** because he isn’t open,

 **Yoosung★:** but I want him to trust me enough

 **Yoosung★:** to be open with me...

 **Yoosung★:** so that’s why I talk about him.

 **707:** !

 **707:** My heart!!!

 **707:** I think u two just match~

 **Yoosung★:** I said we aren’t dating!

 **707:** If ur not and u do start dating

 **707:** I think u two will be perfect together~

 **707:** Because u care about him and he loves u

 **Yoosung★:** He loves me?

 **707:** OMG

 **707:** !!!

 **Yoosung★:** ?

 **707:** I thought he was gonna marry Elly!! Now he has a bf omg

 **707:** If he marries u, he’ll give Elly to me~

 **Yoosung★:** Marries me?!

 **707:** Ya.

 **707:** Imagine~ Yoosung with a husband~ a hot CEO husband!

 **707:** I thought Yoosung would get a girlfriend before he gets a husband~ lol

 **Yoosung★:** I don’t have a husband!

 **707:** Or a girlfriend.

 **Yoosung★:** And I’m bi anyway, so I could end up with either.

 **707:** Like

 **707:** me!

 **Yoosung★:** Ya.

 **707:** ya ya

 **Yoosung★:** Seven... u might be joking but

 **Yoosung★:** do you really think... we match?

 **707:** Awww!

 **707:** Yes I do.

 **707:** Yoosung and Jumin!! Unlikely lovers!! But they match

 **707:** so

 **707:** well!

 **Yoosung★:** Haha...

 **Yoosung★:** Ugh... he can read this later...

 **707:** Yes he can :)

 **Yoosung★:** I should get back to him.

 **Yoosung★:** We’re making kimchi.

 **707:** Get back to ur date~

 **Yoosung★:** Seven!!!

 **707:** lololol

 **707:** I’m leaving first.

 **707:** See ya!

**707 has left the chatroom.**

**Yoosung★:** God...

/

 **Jumin Han:** Luciel.

 **Jumin Han:** Yoosung and I are friends.

 **Jumin Han:** That is all you need to know.

**Jumin Han has left the chatroom.**

/

_Do you really think... we match?_

“You read the messages?”

Jumin turned his head to see Yoosung, walking back from a trip to the bathroom, who shot him a smile that faded quickly. He silently waited for his answer.

Jumin grinned. “I did,” he said. He was working the vegetables, wearing gloves and coating the cabbage with the paste; he looked back to see what he was doing. He heard an “Oh...” from Yoosung. The smile left Jumin’s face.

“Luciel is rather ridiculous,” Jumin said. Yoosung appeared next to him, focusing on the vegetables.

“Yeah,” Yoosung said. He glanced at Jumin for a split second before staring back down again, snapping his head to the side to find his gloves. “Isn’t that crazy? Like... us dating.” He slipped his gloves onto his hands.

Jumin had considered the concept of dating Yoosung before, when Jaehee had mentioned it; he never took into account hearing it from Luciel, and he didn’t know what to think of it. He had felt another somersault when he read the messages, but he remembered how he dubbed it friendship, and dismissed Luciel again in his mind.

“Do you think this is enough?” Jumin asked, referring to the kimchi.

“What? Oh, y-yeah. Now we just have to...” Yoosung wiped his brow, looking around the kitchen before placing his hands on a nearby mason jar. “... put it into the jar.” He watched as Yoosung unscrewed the jar, moving into Jumin’s place to do it. Jumin removed his gloves from his hands.

It would take a few days before the kimchi was ready; Jumin realized his time with Yoosung would soon be done, so he moved closer, voice low. “I’d like to thank you for helping me cook today.”

Yoosung almost jumped, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Y-you’re welcome!” He smiled. “I mean, I- I like spending time with you, so...”

Jumin felt his heart skip a beat. Still...

No.

This didn’t sit right.

Jumin reached out, hand grazing Yoosung’s arm, who jumped in shock, leaving the mason jar sitting on the counter. “I apologize,” Jumin said. “I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“O-oh. What...?”

Jumin didn’t break his gaze. Yoosung’s breathing was heavy and he reached up to run his fingers through his hair, never actually getting to touch it, pulling his hand away after seemingly realizing his gloves were dirty. Jumin took a step forward, placing his fingers under Yoosung’s chin and tipping his head up.

“I want to treat you to a night of dinner, dancing, and the best wine money can buy.”

Yoosung pulled back again.

“What?!”

“I’m sorry,” Jumin said. “That wasn’t a question.”

“Do you- I- we- what?!”

Jumin stepped forward, and at this point Yoosung would end up backing into the wall. Jumin’s expression never left that of a serious one, eyes never leaving Yoosung.

“Would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight, Yoosung?”

He focused on Yoosung’s chest rising and falling with each large breath, face shining with sweat and hands shaking. Yoosung’s mouth opened and closed, searching for an answer, before he gritted his teeth and tried to calm himself, slowing his breathing.

“I usually eat dinner alone,” Jumin continued, “and I do enjoy your company, so I hope you decide to join me tonight.”

“I just- I—” he cut himself off, taking one more deep breath before exhaling, finally able to articulate correctly. “I’m just... surprised.”

“I can tell. I apologize if—”

“It’s fine.” He cleared his throat, looking Jumin directly in the eye. “I... like spending time with you, too, so... y-yes, I mean- I- I’ll have dinner with you.”

Jumin felt a weight off his shoulders, letting out a sigh from the nervousness he was unaware he had. He didn’t know why, but he felt like he was floating, or the floor disappeared and he wasn’t falling with it.

“Thank you,” he said, opening his eyes without even realizing they were closed.

“I might want to go home to change, though.” Yoosung paused. “But maybe we should finish the kimchi?”

Yoosung took a single step forward before walking past Jumin, shoulder briefly touching his arm.

Jumin felt like he could explode.

/

“Yoosung and I have dinner plans for tonight.”

“Oh... okay. Is there anything—?”

“I’d like you to come over to pick up Elizabeth. She is not Yoosung’s biggest fan, so I believe they would both be happier if they are separated for tonight.”

“She’s going to have to get used to him. You two do spend a lot of time together.”

“Yes, eventually she will have to. Take care of her for tonight.”

“Yes. Is that all?”

“That is all.”

“Have fun tonight, Mr. Han.”

He hung up.

/

 **ZEN:** Jaehee, did you read what Seven said?!

 **Jaehee Kang:** Yes.

 **ZEN:** Omg...

 **ZEN:** Can you imagine? lolol

 **ZEN:** It’s hard to believe.

 **Jaehee Kang:** About Yoosung and Mr. Han...

 **Jaehee Kang:** While I do agree that it is difficult to consider, and it would be rather shocking if it were true,

 **Jaehee Kang:** I did think that they were in a relationship like Luciel said.

 **Jaehee Kang:** However,

 **Jaehee Kang:** Mr. Han confirmed that I was mistaken.

 **ZEN:** That’s what I thought!

 **ZEN:** I was like, no way they’re actually dating, lol

 **Jaehee Kang:** But I do think they are rather... cute together, or at least good friends to each other.

 **ZEN:** Seven really teased them a lot lolol

 **ZEN:** It was pretty funny~

 **Jaehee Kang:** Isn’t he logged in right now?

 **ZEN:** ...

 **ZEN:** Seven!! Say something!!

 **707:** Seven zero seven has entered the chatroom!

 **707:** (applause)

 **707:** Clap clap clap~!

 **707:** I win an award~!

 **Jaehee Kang:** An award...

 **ZEN:** What kind of award?

 **707:** An award~!

 **ZEN:** Wow... congrats...

 **707:** lololol

 **707:** Why is it so much fun

 **707:** to tease Yoosung? lol

 **Jaehee Kang:** Yes... I suppose you would find joy in that.

 **707:** I hope MC read it~

 **ZEN:** She did.

 **ZEN:** She’s coming to my house now~!

 **Jaehee Kang:** You two have fun. :)

 **ZEN:** Haha thanks

 **ZEN:** Where are Jumin and Yoosung anyway? They barely logged in today.

 **Jaehee Kang:** Oh. They never mentioned this. To avoid teasing, I suppose.

 **ZEN:** ???

 **Jaehee Kang:** Mr. Han and Yoosung have plans tonight.

 **707:** OMG

 **707:** A date?!?!

 **Jaehee Kang:** They have dinner plans, but I don’t think they consider it to be a date.

 **Jaehee Kang:** Mr. Han left Elizabeth with me...

 **ZEN:** Sorry about that Jaehee :(

 **Jaehee Kang:** So much cat hair...

 **707:** Zen, ur really calm. I thought u were gonna lose ur shit lol

 **ZEN:** About the fur ball?

 **707:** About Yoosung dating (gasp) Jumin Han!

 **ZEN:** Why? If they were dating, I know Jumin wouldn’t do anything bad to Yoosung.

 **ZEN:** I mean I’d kill him if he did but he wouldn’t.

 **ZEN:** I... used to really hate him, but after he helped me get my feet on the ground when I hit rock bottom...

 **ZEN:** I know he wouldn’t betray me, or Yoosung.

 **ZEN:** But sometimes I don’t really understand him.

 **ZEN:** Maybe Yoosung can.

/

Jumin’s penthouse was a low, blue light, illuminated by a few candles. The table was set: two chairs, two wine glasses and a single bottle, a candle and vase with roses. It smelled like steak and cats and Yoosung took a deep breath when Jumin opened the door.

“Good evening,” Jumin greeted, warmth and welcoming to his voice. Yoosung gave him a smile.

“H-hello, Jumin.”

“Did security give you a hard time?” Jumin asked. He took a step back to let Yoosung inside, moving to close the door behind him. “I informed them of your arrival.”

“No, everything was fine.”

“Good.”

Jumin placed his hands on Yoosung’s shoulders to take his jacket. Yoosung turned to see him hang it up on the coatrack. 

“Make yourself at home,” Jumin said, a slight smile on his face. “The chef is making the steak. Appetizers will be out soon.”

“There’s appetizers for dinner at your house?” Yoosung wandered into the dining room, eyeing the bottle of wine on the table. “We can just eat the steak now.”

He eyed Yoosung in the dining room, who reached out to examine the bottle of wine. Jumin cleared his throat. “I always serve appetizers first.”

“You said you have the most expensive wine money can buy...?”

Jumin made his way into the dining room, where Yoosung was playing with the wine bottle’s cork. “This isn’t the most expensive. If I wasted all my money on wine, that’d be foolish. This was about five million won.” He took the bottle from Yoosung’s hands and glanced around for the wine bottle opener. Yoosung’s eyes widened.

“Five MILLION won for one bottle?”

“Yes.” He grabbed the opener and put it into position.

“That’s... crazy.”

“Craziness can buy you good wine.” At that moment he smiled again, eyeing Yoosung to the left of him. He moved the opener, and it worked its magic.

“Shall we eat?”

The cork popped.

/

Jumin brought the napkin down from his mouth and looked up at Yoosung, who took another bite of his steak, almost finished. He softly hummed, gently taking his wine glass in his hand to take a sip.

He cleared his throat.

“I wonder if you remember what I had planned for after our meal,” he thought aloud.

Yoosung finished chewing, staring blankly at him. “Dessert?”

Jumin blinked. Then his lips curled into a smile and he laughed, a short, breathy laugh, and Yoosung let his elbows drop on the table and held his head in his hands. “... stupid...!”

“Don’t call yourself stupid,” Jumin said. “It was funny.”

Yoosung groaned, hands falling back onto the table.

“We will be having dessert, but after that. Do you...?”

“I remember,” Yoosung said. He cupped his hands together before drumming them on the table, eyes glancing around before returning. “D-dancing...?”

Jumin tipped his wine glass in Yoosung’s direction before bringing it back to his lips and sipping. Yoosung looked back down at his food as Jumin placed the glass back down on the table, next to his finished plate, waiting for Yoosung to finish his.

“Although it’s fairly easy, I hope you know how to slow dance.”

/

The music playing through his speakers was a low jazz in the background, not too loud, probably not loud enough. Jumin led Yoosung into the open living room by the hand, letting it go to place his hands on his waist. Yoosung let his hands rest on Jumin’s shoulders and grinned, giving him a nervous laugh, and they began to sway with the music.

Yoosung wouldn’t look him in the eye. He was staring intently at his chest, eyes completely fixated. He smiled again when he finally glanced up, a smile Jumin could tell was forced. He seemed to be shivering under Jumin’s touch.

Jumin lifted one hand and tipped Yoosung’s head up, fingers resting under his chin. “Look at me,” Jumin said, his voice low, and Yoosung couldn’t seem to hold the gaze. “Why don’t you want to look at me? Are you not enjoying this?”

“I’m just...” Yoosung let out that tentative laugh again. “... nervous.”

“Why?”

“I’m slow dancing with Jumin Han.”

Jumin blinked. “I guess you could say I’m nervous as well.”

“Why?”

“I’m slow dancing with Yoosung Kim.”

His laugh was small and not as nervous, and his smile was warm. Jumin felt that infamous somersault. Purple eyes stared into black and Jumin took this moment to truly appreciate Yoosung’s eyes. They really were beautiful; bright and friendly, complementing his smile and his overall immense, infatuating beauty. Jumin smiled contently back at him as he took it all in.

Jumin let his hand fall to take Yoosung’s. “May I spin you?”

Without hesitation he reached up and took Yoosung’s hand, lifted it above his head and spun him, twirling him once, making a smile grow on his face and giving a hum of approval. When they stood still again Jumin pulled him closer, foreheads almost touching. Yoosung’s hands moved up his chest before resting at his shoulders again.

An image flashed in his head of holding Yoosung close, giving him a proper hug. Two arms would fly around his neck, he’d pull him closer by the waist and they’d stay there forever. He blinked twice to think properly, and joked.

“Maybe now you’ll let me dip you.”

“Nope.” Yoosung smiled.

/

“Is this a date?”

It was as if the music abruptly stopped, and the world stood still for just a second. Yoosung’s expression turned fearful and initially Jumin didn’t comprehend it. He felt a coldness on his shoulders as Yoosung ripped his hands away, leaving Jumin grasping the air as he jumped back, hands clamped over his mouth, eyes wide and terrified at what he had just said.

Yoosung pulled his hands away and apologized, a horrified “I’m sorry!”, and it sounded as if he was on the verge of tears. He then hid his face in his hands, more apologies spilling out.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, this isn’t a date, you- you can kick me out now, I’m sorry, I’m so STUPID—!”

And the word bounced around in Jumin’s head.

Date. Date. Date.

WAS this a date? He hadn’t considered it to be, but time after time he found himself unsure of what he really wanted. Though he had to admit the scenery was rather romantic, he never planned for this to be a date. Perhaps that’s why Yoosung had asked; because he had mistaken it for a date. Or maybe...

“Did you want it to be a date?”

Yoosung looked at him through his fingers, his breathing heavy. He pulled his hands away for a second to respond.

“I don’t know!”

He covered his face again, this time speaking into his hands, his voice slightly muffled. “I guess I’d be fine if it were one but—”

“You would?”

“I don’t know! It’s weird! It freaks me out!”

“What’s weird?”

Jumin took a step forward, tentatively reaching out to move Yoosung’s hands away from his face. “Look at me,” he repeated. Yoosung’s nervousness had resurfaced and he was seemingly attempting look at anything OTHER than Jumin. This wasn’t satisfactory. Jumin held his gaze, challenging Yoosung to hold his.

When they finally locked eyes again, Yoosung sucked in a breath.

“Feelings. My feelings.”

He’d have to agree.

“That is a complicated topic. What feeling? Anger? Or are you confused?”

“No, not those kinds of feelings.”

Yoosung’s hand moved down Jumin’s forearm to grasp hold of his hand, and he was taken aback at the assertion, but felt warmth in his stomach blossom nonetheless. If he wasn’t confused about their “date”, then perhaps—

“I mean my feelings for you.”

Jumin was given no time to react before Yoosung abruptly ripped his hand away and covered his face again, his breathing returning to its heavy, hyperventilating state. “I’m so stupid,” he heard him say to himself, and in that very moment for Jumin, it clicked.

“Yoosung,” Jumin said, taking one step forward, his face fallen and sympathetic. He spoke in a low, soft voice, “do you have feelings for me?”

It took two seconds.

Two seconds before Yoosung nodded.

“I have a crush on you.” It was sudden and random and Yoosung pulled his hands away, cheeks red and Jumin focused on a tear falling with time and care; upon realizing Yoosung was crying Jumin wanted to hold him tight against his chest once again; but Yoosung hugged himself, eyes averting between the floor and Jumin. “I know you might think it’s weird but I have a crush on you. I’m sorry if you hate me because of this but- the thing is- whenever I talk to you or spend time with you I get this feeling. And it’s hard to describe because feelings are weird but...” he reached with one hand to rub his temples, “... it feels like butterflies, or an eruption in my tummy.”

An eruption.

Jumin recognized that. A warm feeling, one he’d been experiencing.

“Does it feel as if your stomach is doing a somersault?” he asked. Yoosung looked up at him and blinked.

“Yeah,” Yoosung answered. Then he laughed, and it was neither warm nor nervous, but mocking. “It’s weird, but I have these... thoughts about you. Like what it’d be like if we were dating. And I think about hugging you and k—” He hummed to cut himself off, eyes meeting Jumin’s gaze for a long second before averting them again, and finishing his thought. “—kissing you.”

Jumin had never thought about that before.

But the striking image entered his mind of his hands cupping Yoosung’s face and kissing him, and he had to blink once, twice, three times to return to reality.

“You think about kissing me.” It wasn’t a question. The image stayed in the back of his mind and he was able to ponder on it, wonder what it’d really be like to kiss him. For a second he felt like he couldn't breathe.

His mind averted to thoughts about hugging or holding Yoosung, the images in his head when Jaehee mentioned their relationship, the somersault, the way his heart skipped a beat at the thought of Yoosung, being close to him, closer than a friend and in a way that made him realize the reason for all the feelings he had been feeling before.

In that moment, the hidden possibility, the one he’d been trying to ignore, resurfaced, and it pushed itself to the front of his mind, where it stayed.

When he once again thought about kissing Yoosung, it clicked.

It hit him like a train and it all made sense.

He loved Yoosung.

He’d never been in a relationship before, never had feelings for someone the way he had feelings for Yoosung, and when he looked at him the first word that popped into his head was _crush._

Crush. Crush. Crush.

He had a crush.

And on Yoosung Kim, for that matter, who had just admitted to his own and was staring at the floor, messy blond hair making his eyes nearly unseeable, arms holding each other as he hugged himself. He was beautiful. Handsome, endearing, attractive, _perfect_ , inside and out. Jumin’s mind screamed “crush” on repeat like a siren.

Yoosung must have been feeling the same way, with the eruption he described and thoughts about kissing Jumin, and the image returned to Jumin’s mind, back to holding him, dating him, playing out like a dream sequence.

He never took his eyes off of Yoosung.

“Th-the thing is...” Yoosung said, and his voice was angelic: he could probably say anything in that moment and Jumin would lose his mind. “... whenever Seven jokes around in the messenger, about us d-dating, I... he made me realize that I- I- I want that. I really, really want that.” He let out a small laugh, his smile brief. “I w-want you to be my- my boyfriend.” His eyes finally left the floor, locking on Jumin’s.

Jumin felt the stinging of tears and his lips were trembling with his smile, reaching up to wipe his eyes, and sniffed. “I- I want that too, Yoosung,” he said, and his voice was shaking, unlike his usual low monotone. He saw Yoosung’s eyes widen, before his face fell.

“Jumin...” Yoosung took a step forward, reaching out to wipe the tear from Jumin’s cheek, hand hot against his skin. “... are you...?”

“I’m just so happy, Yoosung.”

Yoosung sniffed, reaching up with his other hand to wipe his own eyes. “I am, too,” he said. “You- you said that you... w-wanted to be my... boyfriend?”

Jumin placed his hand over Yoosung’s, letting his head rest in Yoosung’s touch. ”Of course I do.”

Yoosung’s hand moved from his eyes to cover his mouth, more tears falling.

“I just didn’t think you’d ever have those kinds of feelings for me,” Jumin said.

“W-why?” 

“I just didn’t think you’d waste your time. I didn’t even know how to show you how I feel. I’m just... used to being—”

“What did I say about ‘used to it’?”

Jumin felt a hand on his other cheek, Yoosung cupping his face, his eyes narrowed and staring intently at him. “I hate it,” Yoosung said, answering his own question. “You don’t have to be lonely anymore, I’ll- I’ll be here for you, Jumin, all the time.” He paused, his words lingering in the air. “And I’m not wasting my time.” He took a step forward, face moving closer to Jumin’s. Jumin saw his expression soften. “I- I love everything about you, Jumin.”

Jumin Han rarely cried in front of another person.

But upon hearing that Yoosung loved him—everything about him—he grabbed him by the waist and pulled him into a hug, letting his face fall into Yoosung’s shoulder and tears stain his dress shirt. Yoosung’s arms stayed in the air for a few seconds before relaxing around Jumin’s neck.

There they stayed, for forever if they could. But at some point, Yoosung’s hands found their way back to Jumin’s shoulders, head moving back to face Jumin once again, before resting on his chest, Jumin pulling him closer.

“To answer your question,” Jumin said, letting his chin rest on Yoosung’s head, “yes. This is a date.”

He loved Yoosung.

Yoosung loved him.

He loved Yoosung and Yoosung loved him.

The emotions, the feelings, the eruption, all struck him like a wave and he was underwater.

It was like some sort of miracle.

/

 **707:** Jumin and Yoosung sitting in a tree~

 **707:** K

 **707:** I

 **707:** S

 **707:** S

 **707:** I

 **707:** N

 **707:** G

/

Their first kiss was light and hesitant, a soft brush of lips, yet with a deep, growing warmth between them.

Yoosung had lifted his head to look at him and they were close enough that Jumin could shut his eyes, slightly dip his head down and kiss him, for two seconds that felt like an eternity and he loved every moment of it. His muscles tensed and he felt his body fill with warmth, his heart pounding against his chest, each thump drowning out the low music. His head was spinning and it didn’t feel real.

The eruption, the somersault, returned and wouldn’t leave; and he found himself wishing, in those two seconds, that kisses could last forever.

They stood still when it happened, Yoosung’s hands feeling like two weights on his shoulders. It wasn’t as if one had pulled back, just that they drifted away and the kiss ended on its own.

Jumin’s eyes were heavy and still watery from crying; opening them was like waking up from a long night’s rest, formerly tense muscles relaxing, and the first thing he saw was purple.

Yoosung was practically shivering, his breathing was in small, quick intervals and his face was flushed with dried tears; but he still gave Jumin a kind smile, and finally held his gaze. “Hi,” he said, voice breathless.

Jumin returned the smile, resting his forehead against Yoosung’s. “Hi.”

“That was my first kiss.”

“Mine as well.” He felt himself begin to sway with the music once again, Yoosung following him. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never really cared.”

“... Oh. You never...?”

“But you and I have something special.” He saw a wide, lovestruck smile grow on Yoosung’s face. “I think we could be amazing together.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually my boyfriend,” Yoosung said.

“Why?”

“You’re just... amazing. You’re attractive and generous and caring towards us, th- the RFA I mean. I guess I started to get a crush on you because I want to get to know you better. I want to understand you more and form a relationship with you so you can t-trust me and open up to me. And you’re...” He let out an exhale. “... everything that I’m not.”

Jumin felt his heartbeat quicken again, but his face fell, his expression on the edge of a frown. He pulled his head away, cold air striking his forehead as he greatened their distance.

“Are you saying you aren’t any of those things?”

“I’m—”

“Listen.” He lowered his voice, Yoosung’s smile faltering. “I think you’re the kindest, sweetest, most caring and attractive soul on this earth.” Yoosung gave him a small, content smile, and he breathed in through his nose, out through his mouth. Slow, controlled breathing that could calm the mind and ease a racing heart rate.

“It took me until now to realize my feelings because I’ve... rarely felt them before,” Jumin continued. “A strong urge to just... hold you. I want to be close to you, and every day I want to make you smile. Like you told me: I love everything about you.”

Jumin leaned his head down once again, and slightly tilted it to the side, another touch of foreheads. “You’re just like your smile, Yoosung. Beautiful.”

“Really?” Yoosung laughed, and it was neither mocking nor nervous, and not exactly warm: but happy, almost like a giggle, and his eyes were bright. “This is just- I’m- I- the most attractive person I know j-just called me beautiful.”

“If I’m so attractive, then we must be very similar.” He never let his voice get too loud, never let it rise above a whisper. “That’s not to say we don’t have our differences, but there’s no crime in that. And I believe that with our differences...” he let his muscles relax and his head fall even more forward, stopping right before his lips met Yoosung’s, “... we complete each other.”

Their second kiss was deeper and had a feeling of underlying intimacy and passion from the first.

Jumin felt that deep, growing warmth flow through his body like a river as he pulled Yoosung closer by the waist, closing the distance between them. Yoosung gave him a faint hum, and one hand left Jumin’s shoulder, reaching up to run through his hair. With each motion of Yoosung’s hand his heartbeat quickened and he broke the kiss to suck in a breath, still only inches away from Yoosung. “My god,” he whispered, still out of breath, and leaned in again for a third kiss, letting his tongue run over Yoosung’s lip.

Never had he been this close to anyone.

And still he wanted to pull him closer, to hold him in his arms forever and kiss him over and over again. This, the kiss, Yoosung himself: it all felt unreal, like a dream, and he’d wake up from that dream and Yoosung would be just a figment of his imagination, feeling the far-away tingle of his kisses on his lips.

A faint smack of lips as Yoosung broke the kiss for just a moment, and the second hand left Jumin’s shoulder, gliding across his chest, a shiver running down his spine. Yoosung reached up to hook his arm around Jumin’s neck, the other arm falling down to meet it.

His headache seemed to be pounding and he felt sick.

If it was a dream, he never wanted to wake up; and if he was sick, he never wanted a cure.

/

That night they shared their fifth, sixth, and seventh kiss, and from that point forward Jumin had lost count.

At some point he found himself falling down onto the couch, Yoosung falling with him, sitting on his lap with two arms flung around his neck, kisses sloppy and eager, lasting only a few seconds each before breaking to gasp for breath, and returning for another. Jumin’s head was tilted upwards, seeing nothing but darkness behind closed eyes and feeling nothing but the man in front of him, letting his hands travel from Yoosung’s chest to once again grasp his waist, breaking the kiss to open his eyes and bring his head down to place a kiss onto Yoosung’s shoulder before moving to his neck.

A gasp from Yoosung as his hands moved up from Jumin’s back, and he let his fingers run freely through his hair. Jumin never intended to leave any marks; all he did was kiss and kiss, and it seemed as though it was all Yoosung had ever wanted.

His noises were soft, but it was as if they were ringing in Jumin’s ears, and when he said his name, an unsteady “J-Jumin...” and the familiar sound of his voice shaking: it gave him the feeling of never wanting to stop.

And he didn’t: he kept placing kisses down Yoosung’s neck to his collarbone, lips moving from warm skin to the fabric of a dress shirt. His hands moved from Yoosung’s waist back to his chest, gripping at his shirt, tugging lightly. Yoosung muttered something under his breath and his chest rose with his gasp. Jumin felt two hands leave his hair and move to his shoulders.

“Jumin...” Yoosung said, steadying himself. His voice was controlled and had a slight firmness to it. Jumin tilted his head up to look at Yoosung, his eyes dark, biting his lip.

Jumin relaxed his grip on Yoosung’s shirt.

“Second date?”

“Or third.” Maybe Yoosung’s smile was forced, lasting only a half a second before fading. “If you even... want to- this is- it’s all just moving so... fast.”

“I agree. My apologies.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Yoosung’s eyes averted to Jumin’s lips and back up again. He leaned down, once again closing the distance between them. The kiss was slow and it seemed to have its own rhythm, with a passion not as eager; and with no nervousness, content with each other’s presence.

His mind returned to his longing to stay here with Yoosung forever, and share kisses like these all the time. Again with that feeling of keeping him safe in his arms, and for that reason he broke the kiss to speak, not putting any more distance between him and Yoosung.

“Lay with me. Please.” He kept his eyes closed, voice soft, and he kissed him again, a slow, few second kiss before breaking. “I want to hold you.”

Yoosung hummed against his lips, arms around his neck. Jumin hugged his waist, shifting his weight to the side to lay down, head on a pillow, two arms wrapped around Yoosung, on top and slightly to the side of him; one arm draped over his chest and his head in the crook of Jumin’s neck.

He felt like his head was in the clouds and he was flying.

“I’m...” Yoosung said, barely audible. “... so happy. Just... here with you. It’s been hard for me to cope after Rika’s d-death, so... I don’t think you know how m-much you being here means to me.” He cuddled closer to Jumin. “You’re so warm...”

He rubbed Yoosung’s back, hand moving up and down. Then he spoke, his voice a whisper.

“Then I’ll help you, and I’ll make sure you aren’t in so much grief. I love you, remember? Everything about you.” He ran his fingers through his hair, hugging him tighter to lean down and place a kiss on his head. “We should also discuss what to do for next time.”

A few seconds of silence before Yoosung sighed, and responded, “You really want to go on a second—?”

“Don’t even finish that. Of course I do. I enjoy our time spent together. You’re my boyfriend, after all.”

He felt a shift in his arms and a breath on his neck.

“I... I love you,” Yoosung said. “If you want to, I- I can take you out next time.”

“Me?”

Yoosung shifted his position again, so he could glance up and look at Jumin for a quick second. “You already had your turn,” he said, before letting his head relax and fall onto Jumin’s chest. Jumin took into mind that Yoosung could probably feel his heartbeat growing quicker and quicker.

“Alright,” Jumin said. “What did you have in mind?”

“Hm...”

Three seconds of silence.

“... Ice cream date?”

My god.

“You’re cute.” His laugh was small, affectionate and genuine. “That sounds perfect.”

“... You think I’m cute?”

Jumin didn’t answer; he only placed another kiss on Yoosung’s head.

/

It’s the blissful feeling of romance, the rush of adrenaline, the butterflies, head spinning and heart pounding. It’s the feeling of floating through clouds, flying through dreams. It’s the nervousness of that very first kiss.

It’s a phenomenon, the best feeling in the world: the feeling of first falling in love.


	2. Saudade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saudade - Portuguese
> 
> A morning of intimacy, an afternoon of loneliness, and an evening of reunion.

_I think you’re the kindest, sweetest, most caring and attractive soul on this earth._

_It took me until now to realize my feelings because I’ve... rarely felt them before. A strong urge to just... hold you. I want to be close to you, and every day I want to make you smile. Like you told me: I love everything about you._

_You’re just like your smile, Yoosung. Beautiful._

/

It was four in the morning when Jumin woke up and for a moment he had no idea where he was or who was in his arms.

He opened his eyes and adjusted to the darkness of the room, awaking to a short, surging fear at the unfamiliar surroundings and the unknown weight wrapped around his chest. He then suddenly grew to realize that he was at home, having had fallen asleep on the couch with someone that he loved.

The fear was replaced with a different, comfortable sensation and he smiled to himself at last night’s memories, seeing through blurred vision from the darkness his tired hand move up and down Yoosung’s back.

The room was still and quiet, quiet enough that Jumin could listen to the sound of Yoosung’s breathing and focus on the feeling of his chest rising and falling against him. Yoosung, last night’s welcome guest and date, one with a smile and bright eyes that made Jumin’s head explode, holder of many titles such as friend, crush—

_I w-want you to be my- my boyfriend._

This realization hit Jumin like a car and a short, breathy laugh couldn’t help but escape his mouth when he thought about how he’d fallen asleep with his _boyfriend,_ and he could barely believe it was real, that they had their first date and their first kiss the night before and now the one he loved was asleep in his arms and he got to call him his boyfriend.

He wondered what Yoosung was dreaming about.

_I- I love everything about you, Jumin._

He let out a content sigh and closed his eyes.

“I love you, too...” he whispered, and part of him pretended Yoosung was awake to hear him, his voice but a calm breath with no pitch. He considered the idea that he probably only imagined himself saying that.

He remembered the way they kissed, shy at first before gaining comfort and control and passion, enough of which to throw him onto the couch and lay in each other’s embrace. It was an incredible feeling, kissing Yoosung, like the satisfaction of completing a long-term goal, and it was something he hadn’t realized he’d wanted to do for a long time.

He licked his lips, and his eyes opened.

Among his multiple other realizations, he also realized he hadn’t brushed his teeth last night.

He hadn’t done any of his nightly routine for that matter. He was probably to blame, having had been the one to want to cuddle with Yoosung and not send him home, though he hadn’t expected to fall asleep with him, and at this point he wasn’t getting up any time soon.

Besides, he was beginning to struggle to keep his eyes open, vision fluctuating between the darkness of the room and the pitch blackness of blocked view. He felt himself falling, seemingly sinking into the couch and being pushed into a deep sleep by Yoosung mindlessly moving his arm and gliding his hand across Jumin’s chest.

Jumin let his muscles relax but kept his arms wrapped around Yoosung, breathing in his scent and taking all of it in, deciding he would tell him he loved him in the morning as he began to shut down.

_You’re so warm..._

He floated, drowning in a sea of endless thoughts.

/

_If I’m so attractive, then we must be very similar. That’s not to say we don’t have our differences, but there’s no crime in that. And I believe that with our differences... we complete each other._

/

It was six in the morning when Jumin woke up again and for a shorter moment he had no idea where he was or who was in his arms.

He opened his eyes to a softly lit room, the light of the sunrise shining through the windows. Yoosung was still asleep on his chest, in a shifted, relieving position. 

He rubbed Yoosung’s back, leaning down to place a kiss on his head. His muscles were hardly mobile with exhaustion, but he managed to get himself up and off the couch.

He felt stiff in his suit, the results of neglecting his nightly routine catching up to him. He looked down at Yoosung, sleeping comfortably on the couch, memories of the night before returning to his mind again. He thought about work, thought about Yoosung, looked back at the couch.

Taking his thoughts into consideration, he made his way toward the kitchen, toward the phone.

/

“I am not coming into work today.”

“What? Why?”

“I am taking a personal day. Yoosung is still a guest at my apartment, so it would be best to treat him nicely.”

“Yoosung is still there? Did he sleep over?”

“Yes, he did.”

“Um... alright. You must really like him then. I’ll call to cancel today’s meeting. And please tell me when you are available to pick up Elizabeth—my living room is covered in cat hair...”

“I can pick her up tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Is that all?”

“That is all.”

“Have fun this morning, Mr. Han.”

He hung up.

/

It was seven in the morning when Jumin felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind and a pair of lips press against his back.

He had finished his morning routine and the person he left to sleep in had clearly woken up, making Jumin smile at his sudden hug.

“Good morning.”

He spoke against Jumin’s back, tightening his hug before letting go for Jumin to turn around and face him. Jumin rested his hands on Yoosung’s waist and leaned down to press his lips against his neck.

“Good morning.” He placed a kiss under Yoosung’s earlobe. “You must’ve slept well.”

“I... got excited when I woke up on your couch,” Yoosung said. “It made me think of last night.”

Jumin smiled, two arms wrapping around his neck. He pulled back to look Yoosung in the eye, seeing him lean forward to suddenly kiss his nose. Jumin let out a breathy laugh, forehead resting against Yoosung’s.

“You’re cute,” he said. “I hope you enjoy breakfast this morning.”

“You’re making me breakfast?”

“The chef will.” The smile left Jumin’s face when he saw Yoosung’s do the same. “Is something wrong?”

Yoosung bit his lip and he cupped Jumin’s face, eyes locking intensely with his. “Don’t you have to go to work?”

Jumin blinked.

“I thought I would spend the day with you.”

“You’re skipping work for me?”

“Yes. Unless you have class...?”

Jumin didn’t consider that. Yoosung let out a sigh, head falling to rest against Jumin’s chest and words muffled as he spoke into his shirt.

“I don’t- I don’t usually go to class, but... ah, wouldn’t that be a lot of extra work for Jaehee?” He looked up at Jumin. “I don’t wanna be a burden on- on you or her or anything—”

“You could never be a burden,” Jumin said. “If that’s what you want, I can go to work today, and you can go to class.” He kissed the top of Yoosung’s head, speaking against his hair. “I’m... going to miss you. But can we at least spend the morning together?”

Yoosung’s smile was soft and his touch was light against Jumin’s skin as he moved a lock of hair behind his ear.

“Of course we can. We don’t need the chef to make breakfast, either.”

/

Jumin stared down at the omurice on his plate, focusing on the smiley face made out of ketchup, and copied the expression.

He remembered the way Yoosung drew the smile with the ketchup, swirling the bottle around to form the shape. Jumin saw the image of Yoosung’s bright, happy eyes, as his own caught the red heart in the corner of the omelette.

“Made with love!” he remembered Yoosung saying as he quickly added the heart, placing the plate in front of Jumin on the table and leaning down to kiss him on top of his head.

Now he was sitting across from him, eating his own, and Jumin didn’t know how he could bring himself to take a bite.

He knew it must have been delicious, but...

“This is too cute for me to eat.”

Yoosung looked up at him, a smile on his face, rolling his eyes. He dropped his spoon onto his plate with a clink of metal.

“Don’t skip breakfast, Jumin. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

“I know,” he said, taking his spoon from beside his plate and using it to cut a piece for him to eat. He brought it up to his mouth, savoring the taste that he knew was made by Yoosung, and—

“Does it taste good?”

He swallowed, locking eyes with a curious Yoosung.

“Of course it tastes good,” he said. “It’s made with love.”

/

The soft music from Yoosung’s phone on the kitchen counter was enough for the two of them to hear and sway along to, Yoosung’s arms wrapped around Jumin’s shoulders and head resting on his chest, pulled tight against him as Jumin hugged his waist.

It was a peaceful reminiscence of the past day, when they danced like this in the living room. Jumin ran his hand across Yoosung’s back, holding him closer, remembering the day before.

He was lost in his memories before Yoosung spoke.

“You know what I still can’t believe?”

“What?”

“That you’re my boyfriend. I didn’t believe it yesterday and I still don’t believe it today.” Yoosung let out a sigh. “I... a- a part of me thinks I’m d-dreaming.”

Jumin closed his eyes, listening to the quiet music and the soft sound of Yoosung’s voice.

“You know, I...” Yoosung continued, “I- I had... I had a crush on you for _months,_ Jumin, so- so this- this is just...” He let out a laugh. “... unbelievable. And... that’s why I think I’m dreaming, because getting to call you my boyfriend is something I never, ever thought would happen.”

_Months._

Yoosung loved him for _months_. He could barely believe it. 

He ran through the thoughts in his head, wondering how long he had these feelings for Yoosung. Days, weeks, months of obliviousness. He sighed.

“I had a crush on you, too,” he said. “I don’t know how long I had it, and only yesterday I realized I had feelings for you, but- but I had eruptions, too. I’ve been feeling this way for a while, and now I know it’s love.”

Yoosung looked up at Jumin, locking eyes with him. Jumin leaned his head down, pressing his lips against Yoosung’s skin and kissing his forehead.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “No wonder I loved you for so long.”

Jumin gave him another soft kiss before pulling back, Yoosung resting his head against his chest once again. He hugged tighter around his waist, moving along with the end of the song. Yoosung’s whisper was barely audible, but he heard it from under his chin, breath hitting his neck.

“I wonder... what the others will think.”

/

Jumin wished this moment never had to come, that the sun wouldn’t rise that morning and they could lay on the couch together in loving silence for as long as time went on.

Still, wishes can’t always come true.

He dreaded this moment, when Yoosung would have to walk out the door to get ready for class, go back to his apartment and _leave_. His heart ached, not yet ready to say goodbye.

But Yoosung was ready to leave and the door was already open, his face fallen, showing an emotion the two of them shared. They’d said their goodbyes and given their kisses, but Yoosung’s glance over his shoulder and the way they locked eyes sent him running back to Jumin to fling his arms around his neck.

Jumin caught his breath, hugging Yoosung tighter, face in the crook of his neck, Yoosung’s hand in his hair. He closed his eyes and let himself pretend the hug could last forever and Yoosung didn’t have to leave.

“I’ll miss you.”

His voice was low and quiet, eyes still closed as he rubbed his hand up and down Yoosung’s back.

“I’m gonna miss you, too...”

Yoosung’s voice was the same, soft whisper, a comforting tone, and Jumin felt like he could fall asleep in the hug, if just one of his wishes could come true and Yoosung could stay for a little longer.

He felt Yoosung relax under his touch and heard him speak again. “Can I kiss you?”

Jumin responded by ending the hug, taking three seconds before he could bring himself to pull away, and gave a warm smile. Yoosung’s hands glided across his chest before they tugged at his tie, pulling him forward for their lips to collide.

Jumin closed his eyes, humming as his lips moved against Yoosung’s, and reached up to cup his face in his hands. He ran his tongue over Yoosung’s lip and saw stars behind his eyelids.

This would be their last kiss until their date, and all Jumin wanted to do was spend the rest of the day with Yoosung, kiss like this for hours on end. Their lips parted before returning for another, warmer kiss.

Jumin ran his thumb over Yoosung’s cheek, fingers lightly brushing against his hair, and broke the kiss again to whisper.

“I love you.”

Yoosung sighed against his lips, hands running down his tie and lightly clutching his suit jacket.

“I love you so much, Jumin,” he said, lips turning up into a smile and lightly pressing against Jumin’s again for a quick kiss. “If you ever feel upset today, remember that.”

He smiled back at Yoosung, staring into his eyes.

Jumin wished this moment never had to come, that they could kiss again and again and spend more time together and he never had to let go.

Still, wishes can’t always come true.

/

 **Yoosung★:** Good morning! :)

 **Yoosung★:** The sky is very clear today. I don’t see any clouds!

 **Yoosung★:** Ha... I have classes today but...

 **Yoosung★:** at least I slept well last night

 **Yoosung★:** and had my favorite breakfast this morning.

 **Yoosung★:** I... kinda want to go back to sleep tho lol

 **Yoosung★:** I feel like that every day T_T

 **Yoosung★:** But today especially.

 **Yoosung★:** ...

 **Yoosung★:** Haha!

 **Yoosung★:** Ah... anyways,

 **Yoosung★:** everyone have a good day!

 **Yoosung★:** I hope Jumin has one too. I’ll miss him today.

**Yoosung★ has left the chatroom.**

**Yoosung★ has entered the chatroom.**

**Yoosung★:** ajsksj

 **Yoosung★:** I MEAN

 **Yoosung★:** I DIDNT

 **Yoosung★:** I MEANT LIKE I’LL MISS HIM BECAUSE

 **Yoosung★:** BECAUSE

 **Yoosung★:** SEVEN!!!

 **Yoosung★:** T_T

**Yoosung★ has left the chatroom.**

/

 **707:** Oh Jumin~ I’ll miss u so!

 **707:** Ohhh Jumin my sweet prince!

 **707:** I wish I could spend every minute in ur loving embrace!

/

 **Yoosung★:** I love you.

 **Yoosung★:** I... want to say that in the chatroom, but I’m afraid of Seven’s teasing...

/

“Come in.”

He had two new texts from Yoosung when Jaehee entered his office, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. He glanced at the messages, quickly reading them, smiling to himself before placing his phone face down on his desk.

She carried a small packet of papers in her hands as she approached his desk. “I’m... surprised you came in today, but...” she cut herself off, clearing her throat. “Reports for today’s meeting.”

“I see.”

She held it out to him.

He flipped through the papers, skimming over each paragraph, the occasional word echoing in his mind, but never sticking as to comprehend it.

_I wonder... what the others will think._

He turned another page.

He could feel Jaehee’s stare on him as she spoke about the meeting. “An important group of people, asset to the company, wants to work with us...”

He’d rather spend time with Yoosung than go to a meeting. He’d choose that over anything.

In his mind, images flashed of the omurice, of Yoosung’s smile, of the decorations made of ketchup, the faraway taste of the breakfast in his mouth, made with love. He wished he could go back to that, to waking up next to him and spending the morning with him, hugging him before he left to go to class.

He was glad Yoosung was getting an education.

But Yoosung was also the entire reason why he wasn’t listening to a word Jaehee was saying, droning on in the background.

He stared at a paragraph, reading the first sentence in hopes of taking in the words.

_Forty five million won in order to..._

He wondered if Yoosung missed him this much.

_Forty five million won..._

He hoped Yoosung was able to concentrate, if he missed him as much. He wondered if he, too, was thinking about that morning.

_Forty five..._

Damn it.

He looked up at Jaehee, locking eyes with her for a few seconds before hers averted.

He was trying to focus on the papers, focus on the meeting, but he couldn’t get that morning out of his head, and all he could think about was _Yoosung, Yoosung, Yoosung—_

“Do you understand the negotiations?”

“Yes,” he answered on impulse, the words from the paragraph floating around in his mind, not stringing together. He glanced to Jaehee, to the paper, to a nearby wall, back to Jaehee. 

He hoped he could get through this meeting.

/

 **Jumin Han:** We can take our time to announce our relationship. I can personally ask Luciel to stop if you feel his teasing is getting to you.

 **Yoosung★:** But still, I want to let everyone else know how much you mean to me... how much I love you...

 **Yoosung★:** I want them to know you’re mine!

 **Yoosung★:** But then there’s Seven’s teasing... I mean, he can get annoying but then again he’s not wrong.

 **Jumin Han:** Are you saying you wish you could spend every minute in my loving embrace?

 **Yoosung★:** djshja

 **Yoosung★:** who am I kidding

 **Yoosung★:** I just want to run to your office and give you a hug...!

 **Jumin Han:** I too wish to hug you again. I want to hold you forever.

 **Jumin Han:** You’re my angel.

 **Yoosung★:** I’m your angel?

 **Jumin Han:** Yes. Your hair is like a halo.

 **Yoosung★:** Well if I’m an angel then you’re a prince~!

 **Jumin Han:** Luciel really was right then. I’m your sweet prince.

 **Yoosung★:** You’re my sweet prince and I’m Superman Yoosung, your golden angel~!

 **Jumin Han:** Perhaps I died and went to Heaven.

 **Yoosung★:** Heaven... I think I died and went there last night.

 **Yoosung★:** I just wanna relive that over and over again... I wanna give you a kiss.

 **Yoosung★:** But arrggghh classes T_T

 **Jumin Han:** I also want to kiss you. It’s... all I can think about this morning. Do you know what you do to me? My love for you is taking over my mind.

 **Jumin Han:** At least you’re in a learning environment. I hope you take in at least some of the content during your next class, whenever that may be. I’m unable to focus.

 **Yoosung★:** I can’t focus either! I can’t sit still!

 **Yoosung★:** Why can’t I just go on a date with my boyfriend... I want to see you again.

 **Jumin Han:** I as well. I look forward to our date later.

 **Jumin Han:** I love you.

 **Yoosung★:** I love you more!

 **Jumin Han:** Ah, I’m aware of this game. I love you more.

 **Yoosung★:** I love you MOST

 **Jumin Han:** Then my love for you must exceed the maximum.

 **Yoosung★:** ksjaj

 **Yoosung★:** professro caught me txeting

 **Jumin Han:** Texting in class again, tsk tsk.

 **Yoosung★:** dnot judge me I missed u too mcuh

 **Yoosung★:** I love u I miss u so so much see u latre

 **Yoosung★:** mwah xoxo

 **Jumin Han:** God, I miss you too. I love you, my angel.

/

_I love you so much, Jumin._

His hand became stiff and motionless, and his pen stopped writing in the middle of a word, mind shifting back to that morning and memories thrown at him one by one.

Jumin moved the pen up and down the paper, leaving a trail of ink in its wake. He focused on one spot on the paper, one word he had written, trying to bring his thoughts back to the present, but—

The only image in his mind was Yoosung.

The pen fell out of his hand.

_If you ever feel upset today, remember that._

He sighed, elbows leaning on his desk and face buried in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair, words racing through his mind that only reminded him of Yoosung, only made him want to relive that morning.

What he’d give in that very moment to see him again.

/

**Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.**

**Yoosung★:** Jumin!

 **Jumin Han:** Yoosung.

 **Yoosung★:** Ha... Jumin...

 **Yoosung★:** I can’t take it anymore.

 **Yoosung★:** I wanna give you the biggest hug!

 **Jumin Han:** What was that for?

 **Yoosung★:** I’m so happy to see you.

 **Yoosung★:** Did you eat lunch?

 **Jumin Han:** Yes.

 **Yoosung★:** Good. I did too!

 **Yoosung★:** I miss you so much...

 **Jumin Han:** I miss you too.

 **Jumin Han:** But we’re in the chatroom. I’m afraid we didn’t decide on this.

 **Jumin Han:** If you wish to announce it, that’s okay with me. But please don’t push yourself if you feel uncomfortable.

 **Yoosung★:** ...

 **Yoosung★:** I was afraid to say this in the chatroom... because of the teasing...

 **Yoosung★:** but now I feel confident, and I want to say it!

 **Yoosung★:** Jumin...

 **Yoosung★:** I... love you!

 **Jumin Han:** I love you too, Yoosung.

 **Yoosung★:** And I want everyone to know it.

 **Yoosung★:** To the members... I want you all to know... that Jumin and I are dating, and I love him.

 **Yoosung★:** Jumin... I love you. Don’t forget that.

 **Jumin Han:** How could I possibly forget?

 **Yoosung★:** I mean now that I said it for everyone to read I guess u could never forget lol

 **Jumin Han:** Because of inevitable teasing.

 **Yoosung★:** Seven...

 **Yoosung★:** But now that I said it, I can’t stop!

 **Yoosung★:** I love you I love I love you!

 **Jumin Han:** I love you.

 **Jumin Han:** Even without teasing, I could never forget. You give me all the love you have to offer. You make me so happy.

 **Yoosung★:** You make me happy too!

 **Yoosung★:** <3

 **Jumin Han:** Is that a heart?

 **Yoosung★:** Ah... yes...

 **Jumin Han:** Oh my god.

 **Jumin Han:** That’s adorable.

 **Jumin Han:** <3

 **Yoosung★:** OMG

 **Jumin Han:** That’s my heart.

 **Jumin Han:** It beats for you only.

 **Yoosung★:** fjsjdzh

 **Yoosung★:** I love you so much ur so cute

 **Yoosung★:** I wish I could kiss you. But I know work is important...

 **Jumin Han:** I miss your smile. God, I miss you so much. You don’t even know.

 **Jumin Han:** I love you. You’ve stolen my heart.

 **Jumin Han:** <3

 **Jumin Han:** I couldn’t be happier.

 **Yoosung★:** I miss you...

 **Yoosung★:** I have to go to class. It starts soon.

 **Jumin Han:** ...

 **Yoosung★:** I’ll be thinking about you.

 **Yoosung★:** I love you.

 **Yoosung★:** <3

 **Jumin Han:** I love you too. Pay attention.

 **Yoosung★:** I will. Promise!

 **Yoosung★:** I’m... so happy

 **Yoosung★:** that the RFA knows you’re my boyfriend now.

 **Yoosung★:** See you later!

**Yoosung★ has left the chatroom.**

**Jumin Han:** I miss you, Yoosung.

/

_Leave a message after the tone._

“It’s me. You should read the messages when you have an internet connection. At least make an effort to find one. You’ll want to read them. In related news... I did not plan this speech. I usually know exactly what to say. To summarize my thoughts, I... no, you’ll want to read the messages. But I do have a boyfriend. You should know that. Why do I never see you? Call me back. But I might not pick up after work hours. Yoosung and I are going on a date. Goodbye, V.”

/

“May I ask you a question?”

As they approached the elevator, Jumin began to hope it wasn’t too cramped with the palpable tension in the air. He walked next to Jaehee and nodded his head in greeting to employees passing by. They stopped when they reached the elevator, Jaehee pressing the button.

“Yes,” she responded.

“Were you surprised?”

Jaehee turned her head and looked up at him, eyes widened slightly, a puzzled look on her face.

He lowered his voice. “When I said I loved Yoosung."

The elevator doors swung open.

Jumin stepped inside, Jaehee following. He took in a deep breath, remembering the slow way Yoosung breathed before he told him he was beautiful: in through his nose, out through his mouth.

“To be honest, Mr. Han,” Jaehee reached forward to press the button for the floor of their destination, “not really.”

The elevator doors closed with a thump and Jumin felt the ground move beneath him.

In through his nose.

He suddenly decided he didn’t want to go to this meeting, and would rather have the doors open to see Yoosung standing there, arms open, and he’d give him a bigger hug than he did that morning. He’d kiss him, tell him how much he missed him, and they’d leave, go on their date and fall asleep together once again.

Out through his mouth.

“... I guess I wasn’t so surprised,” Jaehee said, “because you already seemed to have such a close relationship with him. I know you told me I was mistaken when I thought you were dating, but—“

Jumin’s voice was soft and composed as he spoke. “You were mistaken. But only at the time. We... started dating yesterday.”

“I see.”

Silence.

Jumin took in another long, controlled breath.

It made him think of Yoosung, kissing him, resting his hands on his waist and pulling him closer. It made him involuntarily run his fingers through his hair to simulate the way Yoosung did, hands moving from around his neck to his hair to his chest, heart pounding with every passing second, that notorious somersault.

“So... your dinner plans with him, last night...” Jaehee said, “... does that mean that was a date?”

He closed his eyes and pretended he was still there, on his first date with Yoosung, having dinner with him, dancing with him, spinning him, kissing him, thoughts averting back to the hand in his hair.

“It was our first date...”

He tried to keep his voice controlled, like he wasn’t thinking about every aspect of that night, every aspect of Yoosung. He remembered Yoosung admitting his feelings, holding his face in his hands, tears rolling down his cheeks.

He remembered the first time Yoosung told him he loved him.

Jumin couldn’t stop the tears behind his closed eyes from falling, one escaping in a clear view for Jaehee, and he hid his face behind a hand, the frustration of the whole day forcing its way out of him.

_He loves me so much, he—_

“Mr. Han? Are you okay?”

He couldn’t take it anymore.

“I miss Yoosung.” He let out a sob, chest heaving, breathing no longer controlled. “I miss him- I- I- I w-want to- to see him again—”

He let out all the stress of the day through his tears, like a dam breaking, the powerful water flowing without an end.

“I- I love him so m-much—”

The frustration, the loneliness, the sadness he could usually contain, making its way out of him through the water, and he had no control over it. He cursed at himself as it happened, but the disappointment was diminished by the heat of the moment.

“I miss him s-so much, I- I- I wish h-he was here—”

His head was pounding and his hearing was muffled, and he tried to slow his breathing, tried to calm himself down, tried to get himself back to his regular state and stop the flow of water.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Jumin heard the sound of the elevator doors opening, before a forceful clicking noise. He heard the doors close, and the elevation change beneath them. Flipping through papers. Incomprehensible words muttered under a breath.

He wiped his eyes, glancing to the side and looking at Jaehee through watery vision. “What are you doing?” he asked, trying desperately to keep his voice at its usual monotone.

“I’m going to cancel the meeting,” Jaehee said, firmness in her voice, turning the page to her monthly calendar.

“What?” He rubbed his temples, wiping his eyes again. “No, it’s important. We have to—”

“Mr. Han.” Jaehee turned to look at him, challenging him to look back. “You are in no condition to go to a meeting.”

“Business cannot accommodate to things like this.”

“But—”

Jaehee cut herself off, searching for words, eyes narrowing in frustration, and she looked forward at the closed elevator doors. Jumin sniffed, head spinning, and the descending elevator did nothing to help. Tears threatened to fall once again when his heart cried out with longing for Yoosung.

The silence sat uncomfortably between them.

He thought it would last forever until Jaehee spoke.

“But... would you at least feel better if you called him?”

/

“I miss you.”

He was back in his office, sitting at his desk with the door locked, phone gently pressed against his ear as he whispered into it. He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh, tears dried on his cheeks from the aftermath of crying. “I miss you so much,” he whispered, feeling another round of tears threatening to fall and holding them back with broken willpower.

The room was still and quiet. To the right of him he heard the sound of Yoosung’s breath, voice in his ear like faraway music.

“I miss you, too,” Yoosung said, and Jumin let out a sigh, feeling a sense of relief, a comfort in hearing his voice.

He pretended Yoosung was in the room, standing next to him and talking to him. He kept his eyes closed, his headache and a series of thoughts like a dream within wishful thinking.

“I want to see you again,” Jumin said, voice still low, worrying for a quick second that he spoke inaudibly. He reached up to wipe away a tear on the brink of falling, convincing himself that keeping his eyes closed would stop the tears. “I... wish there was a way for you to go to school and for me to still see you.”

A pause from the other end of the line. “Think about our date later, Jumin,” Yoosung said, voice falling quieter, kind. “I’ve been doing that all day, since I’ve been r-really anxious...”

“I’m trying. But I meant that I- I w-want to see you now—”

That was when Jumin let out a sob, the make-believe barrier failing to stop the tears, falling, breathing turned to trembling heaving. With his left hand he wiped the tears away, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his desk, rubbing his eyes until they hurt, holding his face in his hand as a tear fell with a splash onto the desk.

A worried gasp from the phone and the music began to play louder and louder.

“Jumin! Oh god, Jumin- I’m- I’m here. I’m here. I promise, I’m right here.”

Fast, small reassurances. 

“I’ll always be here.”

Constant music, long songs playing in Jumin’s head.

“Even if I’m not t-there with you at the office, I’ll- I’ll always be with you, okay? I promise. I’m here... right here.”

Yoosung’s voice shifted to slow whispers, breathy words of love and Jumin felt his presence, speaking like he was hugging him and whispering into his ear, reminding him that he was _here,_ always, no matter how far away he might have been.

Jumin just couldn’t see him, touch him, kiss him, but he could hear him, and he was here. On the other side of the phone, maybe, but here, right next to him.

He sniffed, trying to control his breathing, chest rising and falling with each desperate gasp that he tried to slow. He pulled his hand away, defeatedly letting the tears fall, words suddenly spilling out like the tears themselves.

“I- I cried in- in front of Assistant Kang,” he said, no longer making any effort to keep the sobs from escaping in his voice, growing louder. He felt a pain in his chest with each breath, as he spoke into the phone like he was uttering his last words. “W-when I told her we’re lovers, and that I m-miss you so much- I- I just s-started—“

“It’s okay.” Yoosung’s voice gave a contrast to Jumin’s, a soft, gentle tone. “It’s okay, you’re okay now. You’re okay. I’m here now, I promise, you’re okay. I’m here, I love you, you’re okay now...”

His words were soothing, calming, collected.

“Just breathe, slowly... in and out.”

Jumin felt his breathing slow naturally, impulsively taking Yoosung’s advice. The pain turned into an annoying lump in his throat, but the tears kept rolling down his cheeks, onto his suit, his hands, and he leaned back in his chair, listening to the whispers in his ear.

“I’m here. I love you, it’s gonna be okay...”

He closed his eyes, letting himself calm down, guided by the sound of Yoosung’s voice.

/

 **707:** !!!

 **707:** OMG!!!

 **707:** ALERT! ALERT!

 **707:** WEE OOO WEE OOO~

 **MC:** Seven, you were right!

 **707:** The great seven oh seven

 **707:** was right!

 **707:** They’re dating~

 **MC:** Awwwww~

 **707:** So cute I think I’m gonna die!!! T_T

 **707:** Now whenever I say

 **707:** Yoosung‘s got a boyfriend~

 **707:** Yoosung’s dating the cat mom~

 **707:** I’ll know I’m right lolol

 **MC:** Zen and I support their relationship!

 **707:** OMG

 **707:** Zen’s being nice to the cat mom now!!

 **MC:** He says he still wants to check up on him and Yoosung, but he won’t pick up his phone.

 **707:** He said he’s not worried yesterday but now he is lol

 **MC:** It’s probably because yesterday he didn’t think they were actually dating...?

 **707:** Me and Jaehee did.

 **707:** Can’t u tell from the messages?!

 **707:** They’re head over heels~

 **MC:** So that’s why Yoosung said he was going to miss Jumin this morning. Because he loves him!

 **707:** !

 **707:** I TOLD YOU

 **707:** I knew it the whole time

 **707:** I must be a psychic lol

 **707:** God7 the clairvoyant...

 **707:** He can see into the minds of Yoosung and Jumin...

 **707:** Oooh~

 **MC:** Tell me my fate, oh wise one...

 **707:** God7 can only see into the minds of Yoosung and Jumin...

 **707:** He has limited daily powers. They’ll recharge tomorrow lolol

 **MC:** So if you can read their minds, can you tell me if they’re okay? I’m actually kinda worried about them.

 **707:** Didn’t u say Jumin won’t pick up his phone?

 **707:** Oh boy.

 **707:** God7 feels...

 **707:** A great disturbance in the force lol

 **MC:** Well... I was just saying... I hope they’re okay if they miss each other so much...

/

_Even if I’m not t-there with you at the office, I’ll- I’ll always be with you, okay? I promise. I’m here... right here._

“Do my eyes look red?”

As they approached the elevator for a second time, Jumin began to hope it wasn’t too cramped with their shared knowledge of his sadness. He walked next to Jaehee and kept his head down to avoid employees passing by. They stopped when they reached the elevator, Jaehee hesitating to press the button.

She glanced at him.

“Yes.”

“Damn.”

Jaehee turned her head and looked up at him, eyes widened slightly, a puzzled look on her face.

He lowered his voice. “I don’t want anyone to know I was crying.”

The elevator doors swung open.

Jumin stepped inside, Jaehee following. He took in a deep breath, remembering Yoosung’s voice over the phone, his reassurances, the promise that he was here, and Jumin imagined he was right next to him.

“To be honest, Mr. Han,” Jaehee reached forward to press the button for the floor of their destination, “I don’t think anyone at the meeting will be able to notice, considering that I know you were crying earlier.”

The elevator doors closed with a thump and Jumin felt the ground move beneath him.

_Just breathe, slowly... in and out._

In through his nose. Out through his mouth.

Yoosung’s reassurances echoed in his mind, voice replaying in his head like a broken record, music growing louder again. He closed his eyes and breathed once more, in and out.

He pictured seeing Yoosung again, being able to finally touch him, soft lips against his. He remembered Yoosung’s words, that he was _here,_ and he’d be with him throughout their upcoming meeting.

His eyes opened, and when the elevator doors did the same, he felt his legs move forward, slight confidence rising in him.

He’d go to the meeting, make it through the rest of the day.

For Yoosung.

/

A feeling of satisfaction and achievement overtook Jumin when he closed his office door on the way out. The work day neared its end, the sun waiting to set, and he would see who he wished he could see all day.

He rounded a corner to find Jaehee, readying her belongings to go home, and walked up to her.

“I wanted to thank you for your help today.”

Jaehee stopped, confused eyes averting to meet Jumin’s.

“What?”

“I just don’t know what I would’ve done if I was alone in that elevator,” he said. “So I wanted to thank you.”

A silence that sat for a long, long second. Jaehee cleared her throat and swung her bag over her shoulder.

“You’re welcome,” she said, a small smile on her face. “I wish you and Yoosung well.”

He took the words in, his breathing slow and calm, as his lips turned up and he smiled back at her.

/

The apartment door opened.

When Jumin finally saw Yoosung, bright eyed and with a heartwarming smile on his face, he felt his head spin and his world explode.

For a second he couldn’t move, left to stand still like he was turned to stone, lip trembling and eyes instinctively tearing at the sight of him, the sight he’d wanted to see all day, one he’d cried about; the person who gave him so much love and had a melting touch that he’d missed, more than he’d missed anything in a long time.

He wanted to bring himself to say his name, to say _Yoosung_ just once, but he was speechless, and he heard the sound of his own name, a muffled _Jumin,_ and saw Yoosung running towards him, giving him no time to react before a pair of arms were around his neck and held on for dear life.

He leaned down with the pull, wrapping his arms around Yoosung and hugging him closer. Warmth enveloped his body as the tears of joy began to fall, and he swayed with the hug naturally, holding like he’d never let go.

In that moment he realized—the promise he’d made to himself, and the reminders he’d told himself with the reassurances from Yoosung that he was _here,_ with him, and they’d see each other soon...

They were all true, and completely worth it, just so he could get the chance to hold Yoosung again in that hug when he walked through the door.

He didn’t want the hug to end, but his body relaxed, and Yoosung pulled back. Jumin looked into his eyes for a second before he tightened his hold around his waist and began to lift him up.

“Woah—!”

Yoosung’s feet left the ground and his arms were around Jumin’s neck again in an instant, gripping the back of his suit jacket like he was afraid he’d die if he fell. His lips pressed against Jumin’s, and for the second of exhilaration that came with the kiss, Jumin’s heart pounded with the overwhelming relief of finally kissing him after a long, long day of wishing he could.

A short-lived pain in his leg as Yoosung kicked it and smiled against his lips, Jumin leaning forward again to let him down, the kiss lingering for a few more seconds before their lips parted. Yoosung’s hands glided from around Jumin’s neck to rest at his shoulders, and he gave a smile.

“What was that for?” Yoosung’s voice was breathless, and Jumin was reminded of the music from earlier, his boyfriend’s voice such a nicer tune when heard in person than over the phone. Yoosung’s smile was wide and he let out a short laugh when Jumin leaned in again, their kiss longer and deeper than the last one.

Jumin broke the kiss, gasping for air before pressing their lips together for another, and Yoosung’s hands tugged at his hair. A third one, their kisses breathless and needy, before Jumin spoke, answering Yoosung’s question.

“I’m so happy to see you.”

/

“Did you feel better after I called you?”

“Yes, much better. My meeting was rather boring, but I made it through.”

“That’s great!”

“It is. Usually I can go to any meeting, but today was just... different. You have no idea what your love is doing to me, Yoosung. I don’t think I do, either.”

/

They moved from Jumin’s apartment to the sidewalk hand-in-hand, the setting sun painting the sky in reds and yellows, shining from behind the clouds. Yoosung led the way to make a turn down the sidewalk as Jumin brought their intertwined hands up to kiss the back of Yoosung’s hand.

“Where are we going?” Jumin asked with a smile when Yoosung swung their hands down again.

“A small place I go to when I... don’t want to study.” The sparkle in Yoosung’s eye and the small laugh that escaped his mouth when he answered sent Jumin’s heart racing, remembering his feelings throughout the day of wishing he could see that sparkle and hear that laugh.

He drowned in this feeling as Yoosung led the way down the street to a destination unknown to Jumin, the sun making its way towards disappearance.

/

The sky was darker and the air was colder, wind hitting Jumin’s face as he sat down on a park bench, the taste of a simple order of ice cream still present on his tongue.

Yoosung sat next to him, head leaning on his shoulder, their hands intertwined and resting on Jumin’s thigh. Jumin placed a soft kiss on the top on Yoosung’s head, and they sat in comfortable silence.

Jumin closed his eyes, breathing controlled and rhythmic, before his voice broke the silence.

“I feel... rather ashamed that I cried at work today.”

He opened his eyes, feeling a sudden tightness on his hand from Yoosung.

“I... grew up around people who taught me that crying is a waste of time,” he said.

A sudden coldness on his side when Yoosung lifted his head and pulled his hand away.

“What?”

Jumin turned his head to the side and they locked eyes, Yoosung’s darkened with concern and confusion.

He’d always felt this way, a need to keep himself isolated, and there was so, so much frustration inside him when he thought back to his time in the elevator. 

“Crying isn’t a bad thing, Jumin, o-okay?”

The way Yoosung looked at him and spoke to him... it was _different._

“You don’t have to hide your emotions.”

Tears welled up in his eyes again, and he let out a shaky breath.

“I cried yesterday, on our date,” Jumin said. “I... I wasn’t ashamed when you were with me...”

He wiped away his tears, shaking his head.

“I- I really don’t have- have any idea what your love is doing to me, Yoosung,” he said. “It’s like there’s something wrong with me.”

Two arms around his neck, pulling him closer, Jumin’s head leaning against Yoosung’s. The voice that spoke to him was soft and reassuring.

“There's nothing wrong with you. You don’t- you don’t have to be afraid to cry, okay? You can- you can just... _express_ yourself.”

He’d never, ever felt this way before.

“Look at me.”

Yoosung cupped Jumin’s face, misty eyes locking, a tear rolling down Yoosung’s cheek when he spoke.

“You’re so beautiful when you show your emotions, Jumin, b-because your emotions are what make you _you,_ okay? I...” He choked back a sob. “... I love you. _Everything_ about you.”

He’d never been spoken to like this, never been given a chance to cry, and he looked at Yoosung with astonishment and a low, distant feeling of fear.

“I- I don’t know how to—”

“It’s okay,” Yoosung said, hugging him again. “You’re okay.”

_He’s okay._

The hug was shaky and tentative, the fear growing larger, and when Yoosung’s lips hit his neck, a fire inside of him ignited.

He rubbed Yoosung’s thigh and heard a small gasp in response, his breath hot against Jumin’s skin. Each touch from Yoosung was sensual and almost burning, and he hummed, low and quiet.

Yoosung pulled back for their eyes to meet again, and he spoke breathless words that struck Jumin like lightning.

“Can... can I touch you?”

/

_You have one new voicemail message._

“You and Yoosung, huh. I never would’ve guessed. I think that might’ve been my last guess, to be honest. I... was... in the chatroom just now. Hyun’s trying to call you, so... sorry you missed me, but I hope you’re having fun on your date. You seem to really love him. I’m glad. He definitely loves you, too. I... want to see you. We’ll see each other, I promise. But right now I should leave, I have to... you know, I’m proud you found someone who makes you happy, Jumin. As your friend, it- it’s just a nice feeling to know you’re happy. See... see you soon, Jumin.”

/

Jumin barely remembered opening the door to his penthouse and walking inside, but soon enough he found himself being led to his bedroom, two hands on his shoulders to take off his suit jacket before pushing him onto the bed. That was the furthest his memories went after their date and he didn’t really need to know what happened before that.

He sat up a bit to see Yoosung crawling onto the bed, eyes red and tears still rolling down his cheeks as he moved on top of him, sitting in his lap. Yoosung leaned forward to whisper in Jumin’s ear.

“If t-this is too much,” he said, barely choking on a sob, “just tell me. I’m n-never assertive like this but- but—” he pulled his head back to look into Jumin’s eyes before closing them and shaking his head, seemingly changing the subject. “I love you so much.” His voice was louder and less controlled, and he placed a hand on Jumin’s chest, pushing him down to lay on his back, using his arms as support to hover over him before leaning down and kissing him.

Yoosung’s kisses were short, eager and passionate, and Jumin could feel his tears wet on his face. Jumin hugged Yoosung’s waist and let him lead, Yoosung pulling back after each kiss to take a breath and whisper _I love you_ again and again, returning to let his tongue push past his lips.

Jumin was sweating, rapture flowing through his body, like he was walking on air and the world was spinning, his heart banging against his chest. He gasped, sucking in a breath and breaking the kiss. His eyes shot open and found Yoosung’s, both out of breath.

“I love you,” he said, out of impulse and the fact that he’d been wanting to say it ever since Yoosung threw him onto the bed. “I love you and I want you. All of you. I want you more than I want anyone else in this world.”

He saw more tears fall down Yoosung’s face and splash onto his, Yoosung taking a long, uncontrolled breath punctuated with another sob, his cheeks shining with tears and he forced out a few words. “I w-want you, please...” he said, before catching Jumin’s lips in another kiss, a rough one, and Jumin felt himself explode.

Yoosung kissed so desperately and with a passion that made it feel as if the room was getting hotter and hotter, humidity growing in the atmosphere. He was gasping and panting for air but still quickly returned each time for a breathless kiss.

At some point Jumin felt Yoosung’s teeth sink into his lip, enough that pain coursed through his body with the euphoria that came from the raw passion of it all.

That was how he knew he wasn’t dreaming, that Yoosung was real and in front of him and he could physically feel him, touch him, kiss him, and he wanted him, more in that moment than he ever had.

He wrapped his arms tighter around Yoosung’s waist and pushed him to the right, the kiss ending with Yoosung’s yelp as he fell off Jumin, landing on his back, head falling onto a pillow and elevating it slightly. Jumin rolled to the side, leaning forward to hover over him. Yoosung’s arms traveled up Jumin’s chest and rested around his neck, Jumin initiating the next kiss.

When it ended, Jumin spoke against Yoosung’s lips, words low and quiet.

“I want to leave a mark on you.”

“Please.” He spoke with the desperation and eagerness that came with his kisses. “I want you, Jumin, I—“

Jumin moved down to the crook of Yoosung’s neck and pressed his lips against hot skin, tongue running over where he wanted to mark before biting and sucking, Yoosung whimpering in response. Yoosung’s hands traveled and he forcefully ran his fingers through Jumin’s hair, each breath growing quicker and quicker until he gasped, letting out a whine from Jumin sucking harder.

Jumin moved closer to Yoosung, heat growing between them as he pushed further.

“... ah- oh, _god,_ Jumin-! P-please, I w-want you, _I want you-_ god, so _bad,_ I- aah...!”

Jumin gave one last tug at Yoosung’s skin before pulling back, the bruise on his neck red and fresh. He looked into Yoosung’s desperate eyes, and his head was pulled forward by the two hands in his hair, crashing their lips together.

Jumin felt the relief of Yoosung’s hands relaxing in his hair, moving to his shoulders and his chest, pushing him so he rolled to the side and Yoosung was able to crawl on top of him once again. Yoosung slammed his hands onto Jumin’s shoulders and held him down, pinning him onto the bed.

Yoosung leaned down to kiss him again, pushing closer as Jumin had done, before his lips moved to Jumin’s jawline, kissing down his neck to his collarbone before he pulled back to tug at his tie.

Jumin’s eyes locked on the hickey on Yoosung’s neck as he fiddled with the tie before it came loose, pulling it down and out of Jumin’s shirt. Yoosung then tugged at his own blue jacket, pulling it off and throwing it to the side along with the tie.

Yoosung’s hands traveled up from under Jumin’s shirt, fingers moving up his bare chest, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. His eyes locked on Jumin’s, dried tears on his cheeks. He pulled his hands back and moved them to tightly grip his shirt.

His eyes spoke every word.

Jumin slightly sat forward and tugged his shirt up, vision blocked for a moment when he took it off. He pulled it over his head and threw it to the side, Yoosung pinning him down again.

Yoosung’s vision moved from Jumin’s eyes to his chest and back up again.

“You don’t seem too thrilled.”

“What?” Yoosung’s eyes widened for a second before narrowing. “Jumin, when I say I love everything about you, I mean _everything_ about you. I think you’re perfect.”

His eyes darted again, down and up, heavy breathing slowing down. Yoosung swallowed, another round of tears forming in his eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” Yoosung said, voice soft. Jumin hummed, closing his eyes.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that.”

“You’re the most amazing person on this earth, inside and out.” Jumin opened his eyes, staring directly into Yoosung’s. “I love you because you astonish me. You make me feel... like I’m not alone anymore.”

Yoosung’s lip trembled and he blinked back tears, one escaping and leaving a trail in its wake.

“So... sometimes I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend and you see me as perfect, when you are as perfect as perfect gets. And I’m—”

Yoosung leaned down to place a kiss on his lips, a soft one, unlike the rough, passionate ones from before. He moved to his cheek, down to his jawline, kissing Jumin across his face. He moved to Jumin’s other cheek before speaking.

“You’re beautiful,” he repeated. “That’s what you are. Beautiful. I love you.”

“The only beautiful one here is you.”

“Stop saying that!” Yoosung’s voice grew louder and he looked into Jumin’s eyes again. “Stop saying you’re not beautiful or- or amazing or perfect because you are, Jumin, and I love you. I love you so much and I want to love you forever. You...” he placed a kiss on Jumin’s forehead. “... you make me so happy, and you give me a reason to try...”

Jumin’s hands found Yoosung’s waist and gripped at his shirt. “Are you self confident, Yoosung?”

“Are you?”

Jumin’s hands fell.

“You should be, J-Jumin, you’re... the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Jumin considered Yoosung to be so much higher above him, the most beautiful person in the world, deserving of all his love and even more. He felt a connection to Yoosung that he’d never felt before, and wanted to share his love with him in a way he’d never shared with anyone else.

No one’d ever told him he loved him, wanted him, the way Yoosung did.

He didn’t think he’d be the best thing to ever happen to someone, the light of one’s life and the reason for trying.

But here he was.

And it felt... _amazing_. Meaningful. Like he finally found the person who wanted to give him everything, and he wanted to give him that, too; the person who wanted to love him forever if he could, and he was right in front of him, kissing from his forehead to his cheek to his jawline to his neck to his collarbone and leaving that love in a trail.

Jumin didn’t bother to blink back the tears forming in his eyes.

“I love you,” he said, voice trembling. “I love you, Yoosung, s-saying that I love you can’t express how much I love you. I don’t know w-what I’d do—” he sniffed, desperately trying to gain control of his voice, “—without you.”

Yoosung looked up.

“I love you, too,” he said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, either, so... so let’s do everything together, so I never lose you.”

He lowered his head again, lips landing on Jumin’s chest before traveling down. His kisses were slow and his hands moved with him, grazing Jumin’s arm and over his chest, touching any bare skin he could find. Jumin was covered in a layer of sweat and he imagined he could die of heatstroke, finding soft grunts escaping his mouth, closing his eyes and feeling Yoosung’s lips on his stomach.

When he heard the sound of a shirt thrown onto the floor, his eyes shot open.

He sat up to look at Yoosung, who was sitting on his lap and had his arms crossed over his bare chest, eyes averting to meet Jumin’s for a split second.

He was perfect.

“Wow,” Jumin whispered, and in that moment it was all he could manage. Yoosung looked back up at him.

“W-what?”

“You are absolutely stunning.”

Yoosung gave Jumin a small smile. “So are you.”

“Take your arms away.”

Jumin reached out to grasp Yoosung’s wrist and gently pull his arm, the other one falling with it, so he could look at him. He glanced up at Yoosung, who was shaking slightly. He then wrapped his arms around Yoosung’s waist and leaned forward, placing a quick kiss on his lips before his head dropped and he moved to his shoulder.

“Are you nervous?” Jumin asked.

“Y-yeah...”

“Don’t be. Everything about you is perfect.”

Jumin pulled Yoosung closer, kissing his neck, the feeling of skin against skin sending him into an exhilaration. Yoosung wrapped his arms around Jumin’s neck, saying his name under his breath, barely audible but enough that it echoed in Jumin’s mind and played on a loud repeat.

Pleasure flowed through his body as he gripped Yoosung’s waist and rolled their hips together, Yoosung whining in response, and Jumin had never heard a more beautiful sound.

“... _aaah,_ oh god, Jumin, I w-want you, please...”

He kept his eyes closed, drowning in the mere darkness he saw and melting into Yoosung’s touch.

That night, he loved and wanted, treasuring every part of Yoosung Kim, his heart to his soul to his mind to his body. He gave him his own, every part of him that Yoosung held in his hands.

He let himself go, just this once.

For Yoosung.

/

It was as if Jumin’s body was on fire and he could breathe in the humidity in the air, uncomfortably yet euphorically warm under the covers of his bed, Yoosung pressed against his lower body with his hand and head on his chest, barely sticking out from underneath the blankets.

He felt numb, numb in his fingers and legs and arms, exhausted arms, holding his boyfriend against him and tracing circles on his back with his fingers. He listened as Yoosung whispered, hot breath against bare skin.

“You’re so beautiful, Jumin, you- you’re _beautiful,_ and... I want you to believe that...”

Yoosung’s voice was hesitant, trembling. A sudden wetness against Jumin’s skin that he guessed was either sweat or tears.

“I want to help you, I don’t want to lose you- please- _please,_ tell me I’m not gonna lose you...”

Yoosung’s voice cracked, tensing up, Jumin hugging tighter. His head was pounding with pain and his eyes were stinging with past tears, face flushed, and he held Yoosung in a way that wordlessly told him he’d never let him go.

He knew, in that moment, that he wanted to be happy with Yoosung, to not have to worry about anything and just spend every minute with him. To go on dates with him, have dinner with him, to cuddle on the couch and kiss his forehead and for them to tell each other everything’s going to be okay, and it’d end up that way.

Yoosung shifted closer to him, blonde hair tickling his chin. “Please.” Another soft whisper and Jumin barely heard it past the ruffling of the blankets. Yoosung’s hand moved to his shoulder and rested there, placing gentle, tired kisses against his neck.

Finally, Jumin spoke.

“You’re not going to lose me. I promise.” His hand moved to run through Yoosung’s hair and he pressed his lips against the top of his head, kissing for a slow second, speaking low words and thoughts and feelings against his hair when he finished. “I’m going to help you, too, and I’m here, right here. I’ll always be here.”

Yoosung began to shake underneath his arms, letting out a sob, tears streaming down his face and onto Jumin’s chest as he hugged him tighter.

“I’m here, Yoosung. I’m always going to be right here. You’re never going to lose me.”

He repeated it like a soft chant, over and over again.

He held him like he’d break his promise if he let go, the promise they’d made to each other, one he intended on keeping, and he knew why. His heart beat faster as he spoke, color and warmth erupting inside of him.

“We’re connected,” he said, speaking into Yoosung’s hair, placing another kiss on his head. “My heart is yours, Yoosung Kim. Everything about me is yours and I want you, everything about you, because I’m helplessly in love with you, Yoosung. Every moment we spend together I fall a little more in love with you.”

Yoosung’s breathing was shook with sobs, crying into the crook of Jumin’s neck.

“I’m- god, I love you, _I’m so in love with you_ ,” Yoosung said between gasps and sobs.

Yoosung pressed soft kisses against his neck, the humidity of the room making Jumin’s heart race. Jumin’s voice was another soft whisper against Yoosung’s hair.

“It took me so long... so long to realize the person I love is right in front of me. I found you... I can’t believe I found you...”

/

_“Assistant Kang, what does it mean to be in love?”_

_“Well... um... love, Mr. Han, is a complicated topic. It’s... hard to explain, because being in love is such a phenomenal thing...”_

_“I know the definition of love. I know what it feels like. But... to describe love...”_

_“Love is incredible. I believe it is one of the most beautiful things in the the world. Love can be shared between family, friends... but being in love with someone is all-consuming, the purest form of suffocation.”_

_“How do you know you’re in love?”_

_“Well... love is a connection. I think when you connect with the person, and you’re truly able to understand them, enough to fall in love with them... that is the kind of love I see as all-consuming. You feel as if your heart if theirs, and a piece of you is with them. That kind of love is undying, and... almost unfathomable.”_

_“And... if you feel a part of them is with you...”_

_“Then that is a complete type of love. When you love another person, and you give them that love, you share your heart with them, and they return it, they share their heart with you... the way I can describe it, Mr. Han, is... true love.”_

_“... Assistant Kang.”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I think I’m in love with Yoosung.”_

_“Oh! Wow! I- um, well... if you are, then... then that’s... an amazing thing, Mr. Han.”_

/

_All-consuming._

_Undying._

_Connection._

_Complete._

_True._

He was in love with Yoosung, and from that point forward, he didn’t think. He knew.

/

Love can be blinding. Love can be a destructive thing and love can make a person unlike themselves.

But Jumin was in _love,_ and he never felt more like himself than when he was with him.

He lay in that love as he pulled the man of his dreams against his chest, his breath hitting his neck as he spoke words that made Jumin fall more in love with him.

“I don’t want you to be lonely anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ily tysm for reading T_T i worked so hard on this
> 
> i imagine the song they dance to is desperado by the eagles <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! writing this was a crazy experience
> 
> tumblr: bisexualray  
> 


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